Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
no, he came in my armpit
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
