Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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