i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
