There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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