May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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