I wish you could order shots online.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there is glitter all over my balls
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