Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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