life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
