Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
