Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
