i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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