dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
