I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
