Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
