I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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