You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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