Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
