I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
