weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's shark week go big or go home
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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