Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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