While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
