You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
