i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
