youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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