i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
