you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"