Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick

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  (317): i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick http://tfl.nu/0icp
  Replies (21) Good night (3692) Bad night (889)
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  (925): View more from California

  Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.

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  (925): Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab. http://tfl.nu/xv4n
  Replies (19) Good night (5073) Bad night (1146)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.

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  (304): I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great. http://tfl.nu/mw4a
  Replies (11) Good night (4386) Bad night (587)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"

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  (647): Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those" http://tfl.nu/90p2
  Replies (10) Good night (1007) Bad night (3116)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.

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  (617): gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist. http://tfl.nu/2uj6
  Replies (35) Good night (1262) Bad night (4455)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

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  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7888) Bad night (965)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.

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  (519): he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today. http://tfl.nu/4qok
  Replies (4) Good night (3275) Bad night (675)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.

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  (928): I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with. http://tfl.nu/qynz
  Replies (2) Good night (1275) Bad night (972)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.

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  (817): I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/7tra
  Replies (21) Good night (605) Bad night (1597)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.

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  (425): Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now. http://tfl.nu/y7g1
  Replies (6) Good night (1398) Bad night (514)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first

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  (412): I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first http://tfl.nu/vbea
  Replies (4) Good night (1475) Bad night (542)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.

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  (304): Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am. http://tfl.nu/u695
  Replies (3) Good night (285) Bad night (490)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver

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  (413): Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver http://tfl.nu/ysq3
  Replies (2) Good night (496) Bad night (254)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...

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  (713): Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ... http://tfl.nu/86td
  Replies (2) Good night (251) Bad night (584)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.

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  (973): Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos. http://tfl.nu/ye3t
  Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (273)

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