gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
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Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there