Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
