Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
