I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
