i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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