it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
