as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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