i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
