Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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