So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
