i wish my penis had a tongue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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