Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize
