I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
