Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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