We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
