Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
