I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
