I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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