I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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