u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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