All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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