Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pants are for mortals
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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