Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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