actually, I'm a sock model
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
