Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
