I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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