I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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