Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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