I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You were trust falling into bushes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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