I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
