i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
