i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
