Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
