apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
