: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
People in love make me want to vomit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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