just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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